“To know me, is to love me”
That portion of that Robert Erbert quote is what i base my life on, mostly because I firmly believe that. You see in this world of social media, actually taking the time to get to know someone has become a lost art. We get so caught up in what we see someone post on a daily basis that, we ourselves begin to create this narrative about someone else’s life before even speaking one word to the person themselves. It’s sad really. I myself have been on BOTH sides of the spectrum unfortunately. I know what it’s like to be judgmental of a person based on what they’ve posted now vs. what i’ve “seen” from them in the past. Keep in mind I probably haven’t spoken a word to this person in months maybe years. I also know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of that judgement. I would post something so random and receive countless inboxes about my post(good and bad). There would even be people that would view my post, say nothing at all, but report whatever the post is to my then girlfriend because they thought it was in reference to her. I guess what goes around comes around huh? Lol.
I’ll start in 2003, the year i graduated from Walbrook Senior High School. I was working at a place called The Fudgery in downtown Baltimore. There i would sing, and well, make fudge 🤷🏾♂️. It was there where i believe life began to truly show itself to me. It was also there where i met some of the most amazing people i’ve ever known in my life. Most of whom remain in my life today and are nothing short of family, i mean blood couldn’t make us any closer. I was a 17/18 year old kid, making his own money, staying out of trouble, and i was decent with the ladies if i may say so myself. Still a kind hearted kid, full of energy, and finding out a had a nice voice. I also had MANY flaws and A LOT to learn about life. The Fudgery and all it’s annoyance taught me that and shaped me for what life had for me in the coming years. The long hours and short pay taught me patience, the endless hustle to break records for the company taught me how to hustle in my own right, the laughter and fun with my coworkers turned family taught me to appreciate life, and the traveling to open new stores for the company taught me that the world was bigger than just Baltimore.
What the Fudgery didn’t teach me was responsibility, Ooooh no sir, because truth be told we were ALL irresponsible so i’m still learning that one. You see i’ve always felt like because i work so hard, i should at some point be able to bare the fruits of my labor. What i never took into consideration is although i worked extremely hard, i still didn’t make enough money to cover the necessities AND enjoy myself. So too often i would willingly take a hit on the necessities just to enjoy myself for the night because i believed i deserved it and that it was good for my sanity. This trait of mine would carry one for years and years and would eventually ruin my life in the form of bad credit, back taxes, and eventually a failed relationship. I’ve learned that this trait right here has played a key part in a lot of the things i am now fixing today. Back taxes because i felt like Maryland has taken enough of my damn money for nothing, bad credit because i would get things in my name, realize i actually can’t afford it, but instead of just returning it like normal people, i would try to force the issue of being able to afford it by just simply working more but that never worked out. Finally, my relationship, to be fair, i did A LOT wrong in this relationship but i feel like this trait was one of the big ones. You see as i stated before, i wanted to enjoy life, NOW i wanted to enjoy life with her, which translated into more money being spent. I never had a problem with it because we would have good times, until those turn off notices and late rent notices came rolling in. Not to get too deep into it, i think you got the idea. Fast Forward some years and our relationship ends. I’m devastated but i understand that it was necessary. I sit in my living room and i just think to myself about how i’m going to get myself together. I SWEAR i thought i heard someone say “yeah nigga fix yo shit” from my bathroom so i went to Fridays for a couple hours 😂. Anyway, what i decided was the most simple yet hardest thing to do for me, and that was make better decisions with your money. Now that i didn’t have my love to lean on while i struggled, i was now forced into a position of “sink or swin” so to speak. I’ve always been a man of pride so i chose to swim. I now make better decisions financially my credit is now rising(again). I’m in a good place mentally and i know in a years time, God willing, the life i’m creating for myself will be on full display.